Don't Want It, Don't Need It

"I been sittin' here staring at the clock on the wall
and i been layin here praying praying she won't call
it's just another call from home
and you'll get it and be gone and i'll be crying
and i'll be beggin you baby
beg you not to leave
but i'll be left here waiting
with my heart on my sleeve
oh for the next time we'll be here
seems like a million years and i think i'm dying
what do i have to do to make you see
she can't love you like me

why dont you stay
im down on my knees
im so tired of being lonely
don't i give you what you need
when she calls you will go
there is one thing you should know
we dont have to live this way
baby why dont you stay

you keep telling me baby
there will come a time
when you will leave her arms
and forever be in mine
but i don't think that's the truth
and i don't like being used
and i'm tired of waiting
it's too much pain to have to bear
to love a man you have to share

why dont you stay
im down on my knees
im so tired of being lonely
don't i give you what you need
when she calls you will go
there is one thing you should know
we dont have to live this way
baby why dont you stay

i can't take it any longer
but my will is getting stronger
and i think i know just what i have to do
i can't waste another minute
after all that i've put in it
i've given you my best
why does she get the best of you
so the next time you find
you wanna leave her bed for mine

why dont you stay
im up off my knees
im so tired of being lonely
you cant give me what i need
when she begs you not to go
there is one thing you should know
i dont have to live this way
baby why dont you stay

yeah yeah oh oh oh oha oh"

These are the lyrics to a country song "Stay" by Sugarland.
A friend of mine made me listen to this song and I can say that it reminded me so much of what I had been going through. Figured I'd share it

It always seems like we continue to want things that either we can't have or we really don't need.

It Was Fun While It Lasted

We give so much...

In relationships why is it that women tend to give so much and men tend to just take without the consideration of giving back?

I am a giver.
If I have it, I don't mind giving it to someone in need.
If you're hungry and I have food enough for two, I'll share.
If you need a ride and I'm going that direction, no problem.

But why is it that the one person I had a "relationship" with continued to take without considering to give??

I think that when we're givers, we want to give to change a person's view. We want to be that person in our "relationship" that when he calls and needs, we can be the one that he depends on. And in return, he'll see that we are the ones that he should be with. But at the end of the day, through all that you gave to him, he still can't see that you're a good woman and that you want him to be with you.... But somewhere down the line, the overwhelming giving has to stop, and he has to make a decision. I wouldn't say give him an ultimatum... I would just want him to reach a general consensus of whether I'm who he wants or if it was just while it lasted....

"He's going to make someone very happy one day, that day just isn't today, and that person just isn't you."
-- A Friend

Memoirs of Late Nights

Its late.....

I don't know why this is... But I guess there's just a lot on my mind.

Sometimes we as people allow these racing thoughts to run through our heads non-stop...not knowing what to do with them or what to think of them. I constantly think of what is, what was, and what could have been if I just allowed the race of my thoughts to end. If I had just allowed for them to be expressed to you....or him...or her...to the "we" that used to be. If only, if only. But I guess you could say that that is all in the past and what we may do now had no impact on it...it cannot change, neither can you, and neither will my racing thoughts about you or the situation. Hours have gone by and yet and still I cannot stop these thoughts from racing. But at the same time I can't determine which thought is in the lead...which thought could be the underdog and eventually become the most prominent issue to be handle. Will one thought win over the other in order of what I would think is priority or will it just be determined by what series of events take place...by fate. I can't help but also wonder whether you do these things to get inside my mental racetrack? Is this like some psychological Indy 500 for you? What sponsorship and deals do you get out of this? Will consuming, controlling, & manipulating my thoughts be like Sprite to Kobe or Nike to Le Bron for you? My mother always said that if I didn't know the answer to a question that I should always ask. However, I've come to feel that her ever-so great advice is beginning to bite me in the butt. Because I don't know I ask questions, but when the answer is something that I didn't expect, it furthermore gets a leg into the race that's already being ran by the constant thoughts in my mind. Maybe I should just stop asking questions. If I ask no questions that give me answers that leave me either wanting to know more or disturbed to a point where I can't look you in the eye because of the level of disturbance that I'm at, then maybe there wouldn't be a constant ongoing race inside my mind; there would be no Indy 500, no Talledega Nights going on inside this thing I call my head.

A New Beginning

This is the first of many......

This is the first of many to come.... I think about so many things all day and I know I have three good friends that will listen and give me positive feedback but sometimes I feel like there are things that I can't really say to them in person.

I usually know what to say but when it comes to expressing how I feel face-to-face the words never come. Writing them out however, is a different story. Words give so much power and they mean so much when said correctly.

This is me. No holds barre. And all I ask is for positive feedback for the questions I ask to the masses.

Thanks, Hugs & Kisses

Au Revoir...